Condolence message template

As few formulas as possible, and as much precision as you can manage. “My condolences” on its own is the line people receive twenty times and say did nothing for them. Name the person who died, say one concrete thing, or offer specific help — the three messages here follow those three routes.

Almost always, yes. Many people avoid it for fear of reopening the wound; the bereaved tend to say the opposite, and their real fear is that the name disappears from conversation. If you knew it, write it.

In person, two sentences are enough and people always say too much. In a text, three or four. On a card you can go further and sign off with something affectionate. The tool adapts the length to how you're sending it.

By making it concrete. “Let me know if you need anything” puts the work on the grieving person, who will never ask. “I can come round, do a shop, or be at the end of the phone” can be answered yes or no — and leaves the door open if no answer comes.

Say so plainly, and write about the person grieving rather than the one who died. An honest message is worth more than a borrowed tribute, which is heard as borrowed straight away.