Plain answers, when you need them.
What people look for when someone has just died, and what they still look for months later. Written without jargon, checked at the source.
Where to start
42 articles, sorted by the big questions.
- 3 articles
Caring for a grave
Plain water and a soft brush, once or twice a year: the steps that carry no risk, the three things that damage stone, and who is responsible for the grave.
- 5 articles
Compare and choose
One payment or a yearly one, what is actually included, and the questions to ask before you pay.
- 7 articles
Memorial QR codes
What a QR code on a headstone or an urn actually does, what it costs, and where it falls short.
- 27 articles
Paying tribute
A card, a eulogy, a candle, a message on the anniversary: the ways to pay tribute to someone who died, and how to start when the words will not come.

Adding a name to a headstone: the inscription, permission, and timing
Someone else now rests in the family grave: who adds the inscription, who has to approve it, when it can be done, and what to do when the stone is full.
In this article
- 1Who adds the inscription?
- 2Do you need permission?
- 3Do you have to add the name?
Depending on the moment
You don't look for the same things in the first week and six months later.
The first days
Telling people, organising
For the service
Speaking, choosing, dressing
The months after
Remembering, carrying on
All articles
Plain water and a soft brush, once or twice a year: the steps that carry no risk, the three things that damage stone, and who is responsible for the grave.
Caring for a graveAdding a name to a headstone: the inscription, permission, and timing
Someone else now rests in the family grave: who adds the inscription, who has to approve it, when it can be done, and what to do when the stone is full.
4 minRead
Caring for a gravePutting a photo on a headstone: ceramic, engraving or QR code
Three ways to put a photo on a headstone, what drives the price, how a ceramic photo is fixed, how each stands up to frost, and who to ask first.
4 minRead
One payment or a yearly one, what is actually included, and the questions to ask before you pay.
Compare and chooseFree or paid online memorial: which to choose
What free memorial pages cost you instead of money, and when paying is actually the cheaper option.
2 minRead
Compare and chooseHow long does an online memorial stay online
What actually decides the lifespan of a memorial page, and the questions that reveal it before you pay.
2 minRead
Compare and chooseWhat happens to a memorial QR code if the company shuts down
The failure nobody plans for, how to tell in advance whether a service has, and what to do about it.
2 minRead
Compare and chooseWho pays for an online memorial
How families split the cost without it becoming an argument, and who should hold the account.
4 minRead
What a QR code on a headstone or an urn actually does, what it costs, and where it falls short.
Memorial QR codesEngraved or sticker: which QR code to choose
What each one costs, how long each lasts, and the reason a sticker is usually the better bet.
2 minRead
Memorial QR codesHow long a QR code lasts outdoors
What actually destroys a code on a grave — sun, frost, dirt — and what to look for so it survives.
2 minRead
Memorial QR codesPutting a QR code on a headstone
Where to fix it, what it holds up to, and who you need to ask first.
2 minRead
Memorial QR codesA QR code on an urn
Why an urn is the case where a code earns its place, where to fix it, and what to do about a niche.
2 minRead
Memorial QR codesWhat someone sees when they scan the QR code
What actually opens on the phone of a visitor who scans a memorial code, and who gets to see what.
2 minRead
Memorial QR codesQR code or NFC chip on a headstone: what sets them apart
What a contactless chip adds to a QR code on a grave: how each is read, which phones work, how long each really lasts, and which one fails first.
4 minRead
A card, a eulogy, a candle, a message on the anniversary: the ways to pay tribute to someone who died, and how to start when the words will not come.
Paying tributeAnnouncing a death on social media
Who has to be told first, what to write, and the mistakes that are hard to undo once posted.
2 minRead
Paying tributeThe anniversary of a death: what to say and what to do
Why the day is harder than people expect, what to send, and what families do to mark it.
2 minRead
Paying tributeWhat to write in a funeral guest book: twelve lines to copy
Twelve short lines for a funeral guest book or book of condolences, sorted by who you were to the person, and how to get stories rather than signatures.
3 minRead
Paying tributeChoosing a poem for a funeral
How to pick a reading that fits the person, with public-domain poems you can use in full.
4 minRead
Paying tributeChoosing music for a funeral
How many pieces you need, where they go, and how to choose without the song becoming unbearable.
2 minRead
Paying tributeThank-you notes after a funeral
Funeral thank-you wording to copy as it is: for a card, a text, a social media post or a newspaper acknowledgment. Who to thank first, and when.
4 minRead
Paying tributeHow to write a eulogy
A method that works when you cannot think, how long it should run, and how to get through it on the day.
4 minRead
Paying tributeHow to write an obituary
What an obituary has to contain, what it costs to publish, and how to write one that reads like a person.
3 minRead
Paying tributeLosing your husband or wife: the first months
What the first year actually looks like, what helps, and the decisions worth postponing.
3 minRead
Paying tributePaying your respects when you cannot be there
What to do when distance, work or health keeps you from the funeral — and how to make absence count.
3 minRead
Paying tributeWhere to go when there is no grave
What to do when ashes were scattered, the grave is far away, or there is no place at all.
2 minRead
Paying tributeSpeaking at the funeral of a friend or colleague
What to say when you are not family — the register, the length, and the thing only you can give.
4 minRead
Paying tributeTelling a child that someone has died
The words to use at each age, why euphemisms backfire, and what to do about the funeral.
3 minRead
Paying tributeWriting a tribute to a brother or a sister
What makes a sibling tribute different, and how to write one when the history is long and mixed.
2 minRead
Paying tributeWriting a tribute to a grandmother
How to write about a grandmother without turning her into a type, with four complete tributes to make your own.
4 minRead
Paying tributeWhat to do with a loved one's belongings
When to start, how to sort without regret, and what to do with the things nobody can throw away.
2 minRead
Paying tributeWhat to put on a headstone
How much text actually fits, how to choose an epitaph, and the decisions that cannot be undone.
4 minRead
Paying tributeWhat to say at your father's funeral
Speaking about a father when the relationship was undemonstrative, complicated, or both.
4 minRead
Paying tributeWhat to say at your mother's funeral
How to speak about a mother without slipping into platitudes, with a structure and worked examples.
4 minRead
Paying tributeWhat to say to someone who has just lost someone
The sentences that help, the ones that do harm, and why saying nothing is the worst of the options.
2 minRead
Paying tributeWhat to wear to a funeral
The safe answer, what changes by country and faith, and what to do when the family asks for color.
2 minRead
Paying tributeWhat to write in a sympathy card
Short messages that do not sound hollow, plus what to do when you barely knew the person.
4 minRead
Paying tributeHow to announce a death by email or text: templates to copy
Ready-to-send messages announcing a death to colleagues, friends and family, when a parent, a spouse or a child has died, by email and by text.
4 minRead
Paying tributeThe first Christmas after a death: the decisions to make, in order
Keep it, scale it down or go somewhere else, the empty chair, the children, a gesture for the person who died, the invitations: what to decide, and how.
3 minRead
Paying tributeHow to create an online memorial: what to gather and what to decide
Photos, dates, words, who can post, public or private: the steps to create a memorial page for someone you love, and three questions to ask any service.
4 minRead
Paying tributeLighting a candle for someone who died: when, why, and which candle
All Souls' Day, the anniversary, at home by a photo: when to light a candle for someone who died, which candle to leave on a grave, and how to stay safe.
4 minRead